{"id":107,"date":"2020-04-15T04:27:33","date_gmt":"2020-04-15T04:27:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/wordpress.kpu.ca\/arley\/?p=107"},"modified":"2020-04-15T04:27:33","modified_gmt":"2020-04-15T04:27:33","slug":"tuesday-april-14","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wordpress.kpu.ca\/arley\/2020\/04\/15\/tuesday-april-14\/","title":{"rendered":"Tuesday, April 14"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Today was grocery shopping day. In a past life, Dot used to careen through the aisles pushing her mini shopping cart, putting Peppa Pig books in while I wasn’t looking. We’d take our time selecting what fruit to buy. But now, grocery shopping is A Whole Thing. There are 3 steps.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 1: The Preparation.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

You review the list the night before, making sure the items are arranged into aisles. You’re going to Safeway, because you’ve heard it’s more orderly than SaveOn, but your list is configured to SaveOn’s store layout. You try to remember what this Safeway is like. You write out the list by hand, hoping it helps you remember. You don’t have time to constantly check it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are goddamn Pandemic Santa: making a list, checking it twice. In the morning, you psych yourself up. You’re just going to go in and out. You have money in your bank account and a car: you are doing this pandemic on easy mode. Quick and easy. Easy does it. It’s not like you’re robbing a bank. (It feels a little like robbing a bank. Or like you’re in Guy’s Grocery Games, but instead of spinning a wheel to find out the protein in your dish, you’re trying not to breathe on anyone).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 2: The Big Shop<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Safeway is far more prepared than SaveOn. (SaveOn was some Lord of the Flies shit. I got shoulder checked the last time I was there!) People line up outside, appropriately spaced. You’ve put on your mask, and you’re aware of your breath. When it’s your turn, you’re given a freshly sanitized cart. The aisles are wide. You start at the produce aisle, kicking yourself because you should have gone right to check for Lysol wipes. Now your tomatoes are going to get smushed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"People<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

It’s surreal to do such a basic task with such urgency. You want to get in and get out. Avoid touching too much stuff, but make sure you get good produce, the brands you’ve been asked to buy. Everyone’s quiet, aware of each other’s movements. No one makes eye contact, except for two old men who are angry at everyone and making their frustration known. The packages of meat are too big, one complains. Not appropriate for seniors. A woman is taking forever comparing types of yogurt, and you have to remind yourself to take a breath, let her pick her yogurt. Some people wear masks and some don’t. Some are following social distancing, some don’t seem to care. Your mask slips up and you try your best to tug it down without touching your face. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can’t find hashbrowns. The aisles are one-way now, and so you need to circle back and take another look: still none. It’s not worth a third look. You’re not going to bother the busy grocery store staff with this request. You’ll survive without hashbrowns.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Still, you delight in finding Lysol, and paper towels, and black beans: things that have been sold out for weeks. And you even find Girl Guide cookies. And there’s a Starbucks in this Safeway, so you reward yourself with the ultimate score: a big iced coffee.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You pay, load up your car, and take off your mask: breathing in the cool air. You won’t have to do this for another week.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 3: The Inevitable Let-Down<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It takes 3 trips in the elevator to get all your groceries into your apartment — trying to balance the bags while pressing the elevator button with your elbow — and now it’s time for the last, worst step of grocery shopping: the post-shop criticism. Your partner will inevitably look in a bag, roll his eyes and say, “Ummm okayyyyy,” drawing out the last syllable. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

“Ummm okkaayyyyy, I asked you to get nacho Doritos.” He holds up a bag of Doritos as you point out that they say ‘nacho’ on them. It’s not the right kind of nacho Doritos. The box of cat litter is too small. And the last 4 tortillas in this package are broken — what is this? — what happened to these? And ummm okkaayyyy this pork shoulder is 1.7 kg, which is not the 4 pounds that he asked for, but whatever. Whatever. I guess we’ll just have less meat. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then you really messed up and forgot the hamburger buns for the pulled pork. A total self-own. You thought you’d checked the list, but you forgot something. I’m sorry, you say. I’ll figure something out. Maybe you could make hamburger buns. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The plastic bags spill out of the cupboard. You never use plastic. You usually shop several times a week, and just put your groceries in the basket of the stroller. You want to say that you didn’t have time to properly evaluate the nacho-ness of the nacho Doritos because you were too busy trying to follow the social distancing rules, and an old man was yelling the store manager, and someone was coming up behind you, getting too close, and the mask was slipping up into your eyes, and they only had the tiny carts so you tried to Jenga all of your purchases and some were falling out, so you were balancing the cat litter on the handle and holding on to the milk. I went on a goddamn quest for those nacho-but-not-the-right-nacho Doritos, you want to say. I conquered Mt. Safeway. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, you stand there, wiping down your phone with Lysol, marinating in someone else’s disappointment. All that pent-up energy that’s been sustaining you through the whole shop dissipates, replaced with a jangly caffeination from the iced coffee. You’ve done the last two shops because you can drive. And you get it — it sucks to not be able to pop to the store for some Doritos, to have to trust that someone else will get you what you want. It sucks. All of this sucks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You take a shower ostensibly to wash away any last Coronavirus, but really to be alone for a few minutes. The hot water hits your stiff back. And when you change into clean sweatpants, you finally feel calm. You’re lucky. So much luckier than most. Your fridge is full. Your pantry is stocked. Tonight, you’ll make slow cooker chicken with soda bread. You’ll knead the dough while listening to the Pogues. You’ll fill your house with the scent of warm bread and rosemary and sage. You’ll eat a Girl Guide cookie. And though your best is not quite enough, you’ll get by.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today was grocery shopping day. In a past life, Dot used to careen through the aisles pushing her mini shopping cart, putting Peppa Pig books in while I wasn’t looking. We’d take our time selecting what fruit to buy. But now, grocery shopping is A Whole Thing. There are 3 steps. Step 1: The Preparation. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":128,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-107","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wordpress.kpu.ca\/arley\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/107","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wordpress.kpu.ca\/arley\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wordpress.kpu.ca\/arley\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wordpress.kpu.ca\/arley\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/128"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wordpress.kpu.ca\/arley\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=107"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/wordpress.kpu.ca\/arley\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/107\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":109,"href":"https:\/\/wordpress.kpu.ca\/arley\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/107\/revisions\/109"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wordpress.kpu.ca\/arley\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=107"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wordpress.kpu.ca\/arley\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=107"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wordpress.kpu.ca\/arley\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=107"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}