I tweeted about this, but I’m going to flesh it out again here. I’ve been thinking about something that happened two years ago, nearly to the day. My husband’s band was having a little show and I’d left late so I could get her settled with the babysitter. As I was driving to the show, I passed two women in their 20s being harassed by a man in a black trenchcoat, safety vest and big boots. I stopped, rolled down my window and asked if they were okay. They said they didn’t know. I offered to stay with them until they got to safety. Suddenly, the man shouted, “I’m going to count to 3. You better run!” He reached towards his pocket. I told the girls to hop in my car, and I took off. When I looked in my rearview mirror, the man was following me. 

We were near the police station, so we flagged down a police car. As the police officer was talking to us, the man caught up to the car. He wouldn’t take his hands out of his pockets, and kept menacing the police officer. Suddenly, there were 8 police cars, flashing lights everywhere, and a bunch of police officers chasing the man. We were told to leave the scene, so we did. 

I gave the women my phone number in case the police needed a statement. One texted the next day to say that the cops didn’t need to talk to me. She mentioned that they had learned their lesson, and would be more careful. Careful how? They’d been walking in daylight, in pairs, right by a police station. Hard to be more careful than that.

Image caption: Graffiti that reads “wash your hands and your rights and freedoms away.”

Graffiti that says "Wash your hands and your rights and freedoms away"

But I empathized because I’m someone who always believes that if I can just find the lesson, I can control the situation. If I can just give something meaning, or change my behaviour, if I can just be good enough or smart enough or aware enough, then I can prevent bad things from happening. Which is, of course, bullshit. Sometimes bad things just happen. Sometimes you’re really good and careful and a pandemic hits. Sometimes you’re walking in daylight and a man chases you down the street. But it is terrifying to say “there is no lesson here” because it means that you don’t have any control. There’s nothing you can do to fix the situation. 

I’m trying to apply this lesson (oh no – I said I wouldn’t find a lesson in it and then I did!) to this pandemic. My goal is to stop stress-reading all about how I need to scrub down my groceries and shower after I leave the house and this and that. I will focus on what I can control. I can stay inside. I can wash my hands. I can try to keep Dot from picking up random crap from the ground and putting it in her mouth. I can connect with people and try to offer care to keep others safe. 

And I can also show patience for little toddler storms, when I have to tell a 2-year-old that she can’t go on the slide because the slide is broken, and she can’t go on the swings because the swings are broken and she can’t go to the playground because the playground is broken, and she breaks a stick in half and says, “Mommy fix it, okay?” And I have to tell her that once a stick is broken, you can’t put it back together. So many broken things on our walk today. But we’re jumping in puddles and doing what we can.